Friends

I had a friend. We met some time ago. And although our relationship never escalated to the romantic heights I had hoped for, she was still my friend. Many night I've thought of my friend. Plenty times have I fantasized of a life with her. Although I feel this way, I know she's just my friend. I would've given anything to be more. To wake up to her daily, I would trade anything for it. My friend may never have looked at me, or dreamt of me the way I do her. I feel no remorse. I'm almost estatic at the fact that I was at least her friend. My friend loved me like a brother, as I pretend to only love her that much. We joked about being more than friends. Sad to say, but those were the best days of my life. For a moment, I had the chance to live in an instance where she was mine and I were hers. I still think about how things could have been, had our jokes been more than jokes. I loved her, more than a friend. But as her friend I perform flawlessly. We were there for each other, and to this day, nothing has meant more to me than being her friend.

I Am Me!!!

I am the son of my father.
The child of my mother.
The youngest of my siblings.
The apple of her eye,
Her Knight in shining armor.
I am an inspiration to some,
And a disappointment to most.
I try, I fight, I feel, I hurt, I cry.
I am determined, I'm focused, I'm motivated

For my Mother, For my Father, For my Sisters and Brothers;
For those that believe in me, For those who depend on me,
For those that resent me, and For the many that doubt me

I will achieve my goals, I will be someone;
And I WILL express the true definition of: WHO I AM!!!

Cry

I'm not afraid to cry.
I'm not afraid to bear my soul in hopes of purifying my tarnished heart;
to reset, repair, or to begin anew
The strenght of my heart is remarkable for such a fragile piece of my being.
I will perservere with my emotions leading me to the places I belong
Weakened and abused, am I now
But the warrior within is not so easily defeated
Life is my war....
Love is my struggle....
But I, and I alone house the soldier's spirit that wills me forward
I will not fall....
And I will not back down.....
I am a man, a man not afraid to cry.

Why Did I Get Married Too!

I watched the new Tyler Perry movie recently, and although it wasn't one of his best in my opinion; there was one scene that really sticks with me. This happens so often in real life, and further explains what i was trying to say in my first blog.
I don't remember the character names, but it was the scene where Janet Jackson's husband walked into the room drunk as hell; throwing beer on her, hugging her, and eventually her pinned her to the couch and licked her face. All the while voicing his opinion, confessing his love, and begging her to just "TALK" to him. The next scene i remember is her sitting in a dark room sulking, until her friends showed up, sat with her and they cried together.
Although, to the average person his actions showed anything but love; from my own personal experience I see nothing but a fit of love in that scene. I guess what he was going through is one of those things that you have to have gone through personally to comprehend. In my opinion the husband was the victim. I don't expect a lot of people to know, or understand what it feels like to love someone so much that you lose yourself simply trying to rescue your dying relationship. It was clear that the speaking of thier deceased child was extremely hard for her to do. It was also the core of ALL of their marital problems. He loved her with all of his heart and would've given anything, even life itself for his wife to open up to him, knowing that his relationship needed it.
While sitting at the bottom of the stairs crying together, if one of the friends would've taken the time to ask "Why" "Why did he do what he did to you?" the very very simple answer is "because he wants me to talk to him" Why couldn't she do that for the man she married, the man that's hurting just as much as she is?
Instead they sympathized with her and all came to the conclusion that she was the victim. Don't get me wrong, in that situation (physically) she was, but he did nothing to her that could have hurt her the way her was hurting emotionally.
And her response,(instead of talking to him) was to attack him at work, which led to his death. When all he wanted was for his wife to share her burden with him, like I feel any good husband would want to do.

Get the facts!!!

In so many conflict situations, the person that tells you there side of the story is automatically conceive as the victim. I was recently the victim of online harassment. A girl I dated a while ago decided that she was gonna do any and everything she could to make me feel as uncomfortable as she can. Hacking my facebook, Harrassing my friends and family members online, and taunting me with private information she has no business having. One day enough became enough. I decided that it was time to respond to the online assault and share my opinion. Realizing that manners, politeness, and a decent upbringing does not imply weakness. She retreated running to her family members claiming to be the victim. I believe that this outcome happens far too often. Attackers pretending to be victimized and family members playing ignoring the whole picture to comfort who they feel is the victim.
In so many situations friends and family encourage "crazy" people to continue along the same path. Before jumping to her defense the family should have inquired about my "side" of the story. By sheltering her and coming to her "rescue" this girls family is allowing her to continue her "psycho" ( for lack of a better word) behavior. No one knows you better than you family, its up to them to recognize when you've played the "victim" card one too many times and get you the help you need.
I can't help but accuse her family for bein accomplices, and encouragement to her hating her life and feeling the need to make as many people miserable as she can, to simply lift her spirits.